Woe, Despair and Agony on Me

“Woe, Despair and Agony on Me,” are words reminiscent of a song regularly sang on the hit country comedy show Hee Haw. For some unlucky souls these words could well be used as a personal mantra. The next time someone thinks they're unlucky they should remember the following stories. Some, although tragic, may illicit a few laughs, others a tear or two.

· Violet Jessop was an ocean liner stewardess, aboard both theTitanic and its sister-ship the Britannic, when each of them sank. It would seem she would’ve been considering another line of work. However, apparently she didn’t as she was also onboard the Olympic when it collided with a British warship.

· One family on vacation in the Black Forest of Germany returned to their rental to discover the inside of their accommodations in shambles. At first they believed they had been a victim of burglary, but soon found the unmistakable teeth marks of a hungry goat, left on what was left of their wallets, passports and sandwiches. Their claim for compensation with their insurance company was denied on the grounds of negligence…they had left leaving the door wide open.

· A French woman reported her cosmetic bag stolen. The bag contained make-up, perfume, lotions and her medical-strength hemorrhoid cream. French police remained on the lookout for a suspiciously smooth-faced thief.

· Italian Johanna Ganthaler, was supposed to be on an Air France flight from Brazil to Paris in 2009. Fortunately, she missed the flight as it crashed en route killing all aboard. Unfortunately, she was killed in a car crash a week later in Austria when her vehicle swerved into the path of an oncoming truck.

· A tourist in Israel lost his wallet down a storm drain. He tried to retrieve it rather than doing the logical thing like filing a police report and contacting his insurance company. As he reached down into the drain he was stung by a poisonous scorpion who had made the drain its’ home.

· The Desarmes family was fortunate to survive the devastating earthquake in Haiti. Leaving the ruins of their home they sought refuge with their son in Chile. Soon after, Chile was also hit by a powerful earthquake. Although they survived this disaster also they didn’t feel very lucky having to sleep in their son’s garden.

· John Lyne definitely deserves his nickname of “Calamity John.” He has been struck by lightning, involved in three car crashes and broke his arm falling from a tree. As he traveled home from the hospital by bus, the bus crashed, breaking his arm again. It was Friday the 13th.

· Jeane Rogers runs a close second to Lyne when it comes to misfortune. She’s been hit by lightning twice, fallen overboard into the ocean, fell into an open manhole, bitten by a bat, mugged and shot at.

· Forty-seven year old Kenneth Charles Barger of Newton, NC, awakened to the sound of his ringing telephone beside his bed. Reaching for the phone he accidently picked up his Smith & Wesson .38 Special instead which he always kept on the bedside table next to the phone. Still half asleep, the gun discharged as he answered what he thought was the phone.

· A fisherman in Kiev, Ukraine, decided to do some fishing the easy way. The 43-year-old connected cables to the main power supply of his home, and stuck them into the river. The electric shock killed a lot of fish which floated belly up to the surface. Gleefully he waded in to collect his catch. However, he neglected to remove the live wires, and electrocuted himself.

· A dance teacher in Lisbon, Portugal tangoed straight to his death out of a fifth-floor window. Police said he was instructing his dance class on how to keep the head high by looking at the ceiling.

And how was your day?